Episode 4
Are you losing your mind?
Are you losing your mind over a call the umpire made? It's happened to all of us. But are we aware of the impact it is having on the game and the future? Let's talk softball with Coach B.
Have a question for Coach B? Send us a message on our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/TalkingSoftball
Transcript
Welcome to today's episode of Talking Softball with Coach B.
Speaker:We've had some good conversations over the last couple of weeks.
Speaker:We've hit on recruiting a little bit.
Speaker:Last time we talked about player development and really talking about
Speaker:the mental and emotional development and its importance,
Speaker:along with the physical skill development of our players.
Speaker:Today, I'm going to go a little different route.
Speaker:I'm going to talk particularly to coaches and parents today,
Speaker:because I think that we have to understand
Speaker:that if our players are responding
Speaker:a certain way emotionally, it's it's probably something that they learned
Speaker:from an adult figure, because our players are young players,
Speaker:especially the tens and twelve's and 14, they're very impressionable.
Speaker:And, you know, I can look back and in growing up,
Speaker:I would go out in the yard and and I'd want to be Pete Rose
Speaker:or Mickey Mantle or whoever the great players were at the time.
Speaker:You know, I would go out and try to emulate them
Speaker:when I was when I was playing ball in the backyard.
Speaker:So I think we have to understand that
Speaker:we as adults are all role models
Speaker:on the field, in the dugout, in the bleachers, during games.
Speaker:And our our players eyes are watching.
Speaker:And they are they are taking in what they see.
Speaker:And hopefully they're
Speaker:they are emulating the good things.
Speaker:And hopefully they're not going to emulate some of the bad things. And
Speaker:I'm just going to talk from experience what I've seen, what I've heard.
Speaker:You're one of the first things I want to say is
Speaker:I am not coming on from a situation
Speaker:where I am sitting on a pedestal and talking down to people,
Speaker:because I've had a long career in this game as a coach.
Speaker:And I feel like there have been times I've had a positive impact
Speaker:on the game and on my players.
Speaker:But I also know there's been a time that I've had a negative impact
Speaker:on on players and on the game because of my actions.
Speaker:And so I'm not I'm not speaking from someone
Speaker:who is saying don't do that, because I've never done that.
Speaker:I have been in a situation where I've lost emotional control
Speaker:based on the situation of the game and may have been with umpires,
Speaker:may have been with an opponent or my players.
Speaker:And I just I just look back at it now and go, yeah, I probably handled
Speaker:that the wrong way and probably did not
Speaker:put myself in a positive light for those watching the game.
Speaker:And and that's one thing that that I've tried to
Speaker:think a lot about through my career.
Speaker:And now in my role
Speaker:as an organizational director and coach in the 18 national team
Speaker:is I want to make sure that our teams,
Speaker:our coaches, our fans, myself,
Speaker:that we we conduct ourselves in a way that if someone who's never seen
Speaker:the game of softball walks up and is watching the game,
Speaker:that they walk away and go, wow , that's a great game.
Speaker:That's that's a great game that was played between two great teams.
Speaker:Everyone used great sportsmanship.
Speaker:Everyone competed hard.
Speaker:And at the end of the day, they walked away with their heads held
Speaker:high on both sides and everyone conducted themselves accordingly.
Speaker:So that's that's where I'm going today,
Speaker:is just the conduct of our coaches.
Speaker:And our parents and the effect it has on our players and ultimately
Speaker:could lead to their conduct potentially being
Speaker:questioned in situations. So
Speaker:now I've heard a lot lately.
Speaker:I've had some people come to me
Speaker:and share experiences and share what they've seen.
Speaker:and it hasn't been good.
Speaker:You know, I talked
Speaker:earlier today with a friend of mine that that is a tournament director.
Speaker:And we were talking about the the umpire shortage that we have
Speaker:and why we're losing umpires.
Speaker:And and I've talked to umpires in chief
Speaker:and and umpire coordinators about this issue.
Speaker:And I hear over and over again, it has a lot to do with the decorum
Speaker:of coaches, decorum of players and in decorum of fans
Speaker:that that are just driving umpires away from the game.
Speaker:And that's bad for our game, because if we don't have quality
Speaker:umpires, then the quality of our game is going to suffer.
Speaker:You know, and and I don't know how many times I've been out
Speaker:at a at a 12 U game or a younger age level game.
Speaker:And, yeah, the umpiring hasn't been real good, but the umpires working
Speaker:that game were probably young or early in their umpiring career.
Speaker:And they're trying to learn how to umpire.
Speaker:And there's a lot that goes into that.
Speaker:It's a lot more than just balls and strikes, safes and outs.
Speaker:Obviously, they have to be prepared for for every situation on the field.
Speaker:But, you know, they're also responsible for a number of other
Speaker:areas throughout the game and working with their partner.
Speaker:They may not know the partner they're working with
Speaker:and that that can create some stress and anxiety in the crew
Speaker:that they have to deal with .
Speaker:And all of that gets compounded when coaches and fans lose their minds
Speaker:or lose their emotional control in situations in the game.
Speaker:And and again, I think our coaches need to understand,
Speaker:if they lose emotional control, their team will probably lose
Speaker:emotional control and then players will be responding.
Speaker:Right. And the fans start to feed off of their coach's emotional control.
Speaker:And and pretty soon we just have a lot of chaos happening.
Speaker:And I've been a part of that. So I know.
Speaker:But, you know, it's it's the little things.
Speaker:It's chirping about balls and strikes. Right.
Speaker:You know, it's easy to call balls
Speaker:and strikes from a bucket in the corner of the dugout.
Speaker:It's difficult, sometimes behind home plate to be calling balls and strikes.
Speaker:It's easy to call safe's and outs from the bleachers.
Speaker:It's easy to call that safe or out from the dugout or the coach's box,
Speaker:because we all we all have a stake in that in that call.
Speaker:You know, if it's a bang bang play at second base
Speaker:and I'm the third base coach and that umpire calls my runner out
Speaker:and and it was one of those half-step plays ball.
Speaker:I'm going to react now. She's safe!
Speaker:We need that play. We need that call. Right.
Speaker:And ha, I just run a lot of those through my mind right now.
Speaker:And I think I've said that more than once.
Speaker:But we lose emotional control.
Speaker:And as coaches, when we lose our emotional control,
Speaker:it begins to affect our mental approach to the game.
Speaker:It affects how we're trying to to
Speaker:to control strategies of the game.
Speaker:And now we're so wrapped up
Speaker:in the emotion of that call or that a series of calls
Speaker:or whatever we think it is that we're really losing sight
Speaker:of coaching and really losing our our our
Speaker:our role and responsibility as a coach and directing our team in that game.
Speaker:And yeah, there's times we go to bat for our team.
Speaker:We're going to go out there.
Speaker:We're going to argue that call.
Speaker:We're going to go to bat for our team.
Speaker:I get that, I've done that.
Speaker:But I, I also believe that there's.
Speaker:A time and a place in a way.
Speaker:To do that without inciting an emotional
Speaker:issue or creating chaos and,
Speaker:you know, talking to umpires is it's an art, right.
Speaker:How do we try to get our point across without being confrontational?
Speaker:Right. Players. That's that's not a role we should ever be in.
Speaker:You know, we never want our players to lose emotional control.
Speaker:And when our players are reacting or responding to
Speaker:to what they think is a bad call,
Speaker:I think it's our responsibility
Speaker:as coaches to to nip that as quickly as possible
Speaker:so that so that we get our players back into a better emotional state
Speaker:so that their mental state in the game is under control.
Speaker:You know, I think any time we get anxious and create a lot of emotion,
Speaker:our heart rate goes up and everything speeds up.
Speaker:All of our body processes and everything speed up and we're put on alert.
Speaker:And and sometimes that's a negative for performance
Speaker:because we start trying to execute
Speaker:at too quick of a pace and we're going to make mistakes.
Speaker:All right. But I'm not just talking about umpires, you know, players,
Speaker:coaches, parents.
Speaker:We've all we've all responded to umpires in a certain way.
Speaker:I will tell you this, and I do have a lot of respect for umpires.
Speaker:I've never been on the field with a crew of umpires
Speaker:that influence the outcome of the game directly.
Speaker:Yeah. Some calls played a role in the outcome of a game.
Speaker:But I've never been in a situation where at umpire cost us the game.
Speaker:Now, there's too many things happened during a game to put it on one call.
Speaker:If it's the strike zone, then we got to learn to adapt.
Speaker:You know, those are those are all things that we have to learn to
Speaker:to deal with and make adjustments with.
Speaker:So I can honestly say I don't know that I've ever
Speaker:had a crew of umpires cost me a game.
Speaker:And, you know, there's
Speaker:lots of stories out there about, oh, man, Coach B's hard on umpires.
Speaker:Now, Coach B had high expectations of his umpires
Speaker:to work as hard and perform at a level
Speaker:comparable to what I did of my players.
Speaker:Yeah, I've been ejected.
Speaker:I think I can count on two hands the number of times
Speaker:I've been ejected in 30 plus years of coaching.
Speaker:Proud to say in the last four years it hasn't happened one time.
Speaker:And, you know, I'm hoping it doesn't happen in the remainder of my career
Speaker:because I feel like that's unfair to my team if I'm not there,
Speaker:because I've been asked to leave because I lost emotional control
Speaker:in times in the past when it happened.
Speaker:I was fortunate to have a good, good, strong staff
Speaker:that was able to take over and continue to guide the team through the game.
Speaker:But it's not anything that I'm proud of.
Speaker:And I don't think it's ever anything that a coach or player
Speaker:should be proud of or brag about saying, yeah, I got kicked
Speaker:out of the game the other day.
Speaker:Boy, I really got my point across, blah, blah, blah. no.
Speaker:It just means you lost emotional control
Speaker:and you got asked to leave because you were out of control.
Speaker:And that's not anything we should ever brag about.
Speaker:Parents, same thing.
Speaker:I mean, you hear stories every year
Speaker:about parents calling umpires out into the parking lot.
Speaker:Right. That's too much.
Speaker:That's too much emotion.
Speaker:We're putting way too much on winning or losing that game.
Speaker:If it feels like it has to go to a confrontation in the parking lot,
Speaker:you know, moms and dads, just relax , enjoy watching your kids play.
Speaker:Good things are going to happen. Bad things are going to happen.
Speaker:But enjoy the opportunity to
Speaker:to to be at a game and watching your daughter play.
Speaker:That should be enough right there that you don't have to get
Speaker:so emotionally engaged in the game that you lose perspective of that.
Speaker:And players, again, I don't think players should ever lose
Speaker:emotional control. They they need to be under control.
Speaker:Yes, their emotions can get high,
Speaker:but then they got to bring them back down
Speaker:because they need to continue to perform.
Speaker:And if their emotions get low, they've got to find a way to reach back,
Speaker:grab themselves by the belt loop and readjust and
Speaker:and get back to a good, positive mental and emotional state.
Speaker:You know, parents, coaches,
Speaker:you know, I heard it the other day.
Speaker:You know, our our coach just won't listen to us as parents or
Speaker:I hear a coach say, I'm not going to talk to the parents
Speaker:because I want to talk to their kids and.
Speaker:You know, it's coaching is between me and the players, not the parents.
Speaker:OK, at 18u I can buy into that
Speaker:even 16u a little bit, I can buy into that.
Speaker:But I think there's always an opportunity to talk to parents
Speaker:when the time is right and the situation calls for it.
Speaker:But at our younger ages.
Speaker:Coaches, we need to make sure that our parents understand the plan.
Speaker:And we need to make sure that our parents
Speaker:have a good understanding of
Speaker:of what the plan is for the group as a whole.
Speaker:And what's the plan for their daughter?
Speaker:Where do we see her fitting into this program and this plan?
Speaker:And how can we improve her role moving forward?
Speaker:Those conversations need to happen.
Speaker:I was reading something the other day that said that
Speaker:90 percent of conflict could be resolved with better communication.
Speaker:I think that goes a long way in coaching, in how we interact
Speaker:with our with our players and our parents.
Speaker:It gives us an opportunity to explain ourselves.
Speaker:But it also gives us an opportunity to get feedback.
Speaker:And sometimes the feedback is good.
Speaker:Sometimes the feedback is negative.
Speaker:But all of it is feedback that we can use moving forward to continue
Speaker:to develop the plan for the group and for each individual player.
Speaker:So I really encourage coaches to develop
Speaker:a good communication strategy with parents.
Speaker:You know, some people have a 24 hour rule.
Speaker:Some people say we can talk about anything except playing time.
Speaker:You know, and that's kind of the way I leaned was,
Speaker:you know, we can talk about whatever you want to talk about, but
Speaker:Susie and I are going to talk about playing time.
Speaker:Well, that was good because I was working with college
Speaker:athletes or now I work with 18 and 17 year old players.
Speaker:When you're working with a 12 year old or a 13 year old,
Speaker:it might be difficult to rely on that level of communication
Speaker:to be the tool you use to keep everybody informed about
Speaker:what's happening on the team and what's happening for that individual player.
Speaker:So I think that that, again, a lot of those conflicts that develop
Speaker:and we hear about teams disbanding and in having issues because the parents
Speaker:and the coaches aren't getting along or the parents aren't getting along.
Speaker:It's all about communication.
Speaker:It's all about being able to talk yourself through the situation
Speaker:and explain your plan well enough that everybody understands having those.
Speaker:Yeah, that's a good plan. Let's go. Let's make it work.
Speaker:Well, we'll do what we need to do. You know, players.
Speaker:You've got to be able to communicate.
Speaker:You know, I find it really interesting that, you know, are 17
Speaker:and 18 year olds that I work with on a regular basis.
Speaker:If they can text you or send you an email or that's a communication
Speaker:boom, I can get it sent out, say what I want to say.
Speaker:But if we want to sit down and have a face to face conversation,
Speaker:that's a challenge.
Speaker:Lots of emotion and a lot
Speaker:lots of stammering, lots of different responses.
Speaker:And, you know, I think we just have to we have to get back
Speaker:to being able to communicate. All right.
Speaker:If a player doesn't understand their role
Speaker:or doesn't understand what's happening, what the process is,
Speaker:they need to be able to go to the coach and talk to them.
Speaker:And they need to be able to ask and between the two of them,
Speaker:They they need to be able to work that out, you know.
Speaker:And I think that's critical. And coaches.
Speaker:I'll speak to you also is
Speaker:you need to be able to go to them and have a conversation.
Speaker:You need to be able to approach
Speaker:the people that need to have that conversation with you
Speaker:and have a good positive conversation and really explain yourself.
Speaker:The days of being able to say do this.
Speaker:And then Suzy says, why?
Speaker:And we respond with because I said so.
Speaker:Those days are over.
Speaker:OK, that's that that's not good communication.
Speaker:I think we have to be able to explain why.
Speaker:And we have to encourage our players to ask why.
Speaker:OK. To me, that's baseline communication right there.
Speaker:And for what I see right now and and I see all of this emotion
Speaker:and I see these coaches screaming and hollering at their players.
Speaker:And I'm like, that's that's not communication.
Speaker:That's loss of emotional control.
Speaker:And no one's going to get a positive response out of that.
Speaker:I see players jump up
Speaker:and respond to an umpire's call or something.
Speaker:You know, I talked to one of my hitters the other day.
Speaker:I saw a video of her hitting in a game and she struck out
Speaker:and dad said something from the bleachers. Right.
Speaker:And she turns around of the bleachers and throws her hands in the air
Speaker:responding to him.
Speaker:And I'm like, don't ever do that again.
Speaker:Don't ever lose your emotion and show that kind of response on the field.
Speaker:We shouldn't hear what's being said in the bleachers.
Speaker:That doesn't matter.
Speaker:What matters is what's happening between the lines.
Speaker:But again, it goes back to what I talked about in a previous episode.
Speaker:Kids have been through a lot lately and adults have been, too.
Speaker:And everyone's trying to come back to grasp with their emotions.
Speaker:And I think everyone is is trying to communicate with people.
Speaker:But we have to remember that communication is based on,
Speaker:you know, being able to share ideas,
Speaker:being able to listen right?
Speaker:Hear what the other person, saying and then provide a quality response.
Speaker:And within that response, if there's resolution of a conflict, then great.
Speaker:That's what we need to have.
Speaker:So that's my soapbox today.
Speaker:Just because I'm seeing so much of it on the field, I'm
Speaker:seeing coaches that are out of control and screaming and hollering.
Speaker:And I see players that are responding
Speaker:and responding to the coaches, responding to the to the fans.
Speaker:You know, I don't ever think
Speaker:there should be an interaction between players on the field.
Speaker:That's that to me, that's something that just shouldn't happen.
Speaker:And there's a lot of that happening.
Speaker:I'm hearing about that happening at 12u games and 14u games.
Speaker:And I mean, I think we just have to understand that
Speaker:sportsmanship is still a part of the game
Speaker:and sportsmanship is still critical to competition.
Speaker:And, you know, I would say that
Speaker:on the flip side of that, for
Speaker:those of you that are recruitable age as players and your families,
Speaker:I want you to understand that your sportsmanship,
Speaker:the way you communicate, the way you control your emotions,
Speaker:that all plays a role in the recruiting process.
Speaker:I'll share one last story and then we're going to wrap it up today.
Speaker:I was out on the road recruiting, oh, four or five years ago,
Speaker:and we were sitting in a ball park and good friend of mine
Speaker:and I were sitting together and we were talking about how we evaluate players.
Speaker:You know, he said, Kevin, I use the 110 method.
Speaker:I said, man I don't know what that is.
Speaker:You know, I feel like I'm
Speaker:pretty up to date on stuff, but I don't know what the 110 method is.
Speaker:He said, oh, it's real simple.
Speaker:He said, I either stand behind the bleachers or I sit in the bleachers
Speaker:so I can hear the conversation of the parents around me.
Speaker:And I'll sit there and I'll take it all in and,
Speaker:you know, just kind of try to be a silent observer.
Speaker:And, you know, I hear mom talking about,
Speaker:oh, her last coach just didn't do a very good job.
Speaker:He she didn't he didn't understand her and didn't use her properly.
Speaker:And her high school coach doesn't use her properly and he's not a good coach.
Speaker:And he said, in my mind, I'm sitting there thinking, well,
Speaker:if I'm going to be a college coach, they're probably
Speaker:going to be saying that about me, too.
Speaker:He said, so I just write a 110 next to that player's name.
Speaker:I said, Really? So what's that going to do for you?
Speaker:He said, well, number one,
Speaker:if I'm sitting in the bleachers and mom looks over my shoulder
Speaker:and sees 110, she's going to think that I think Susie's pretty good.
Speaker:And, you know, she's going to feel good about herself and be able
Speaker:to talk to all of her friends about it.
Speaker:And he said, but it also gives me
Speaker:a really good tool that when I get back to the hotel
Speaker:and I'm flipping through all of my notes for the day, I see that 110
Speaker:And then I can put the last slash
Speaker:in between the two ones and make it no.
Speaker:And no means I'm not recruiting this kid because there's too much baggage
Speaker:that goes with this kid because of what
Speaker:the conversations were that I heard in the bleachers.
Speaker:So I think that we have to always understand people are watching.
Speaker:People are listening.
Speaker:And we don't want our loss of emotional control
Speaker:to have a negative impact.
Speaker:On what people think of us as individuals, what they think
Speaker:of our daughter as a player or our player if I'm a coach.
Speaker:And as parents, what they think of that team
Speaker:or as a coach, what they think of that team,
Speaker:you know, I just I think that we it's too impressionable.
Speaker:People are very impressionable today.
Speaker:And if we lose emotional control
Speaker:and we we put ourselves out there in a negative light emotionally,
Speaker:it could have lasting effects on everybody involved.
Speaker:And it has an effect on our game because, again, it goes
Speaker:back to what I said when I started.
Speaker:What would a person who has never seen a softball game
Speaker:think if they were standing there, sitting there watching that game?
Speaker:And if they see a coach railing an umpire
Speaker:about every call or every play, or they hear
Speaker:moms and dads screaming and hollering at umpires or coaches,
Speaker:or they see players showing negative emotional response in situations
Speaker:in the game, what are they going to think about softball?
Speaker:And what are they going to think
Speaker:when they get up and walk out of that ballpark?
Speaker:Will they come back and watch another game?
Speaker:So I really think that that
Speaker:that, you know, our emotional control and the way we communicate is critical
Speaker:to the success of our teams and success of our players
Speaker:and the overall culture of our team.
Speaker:And I use that word culture, because you're going to hear me
Speaker:talk a lot about culture in the very near future.
Speaker:Well, that's it for today.
Speaker:I want to thank everyone for listening, and I hope you're
Speaker:enjoying talking softball with Coach B.
Speaker:Ask you to subscribe through your local podcast provider.
Speaker:You can also follow us on Facebook.com/talkingsoftball
Speaker:gives you an opportunity to provide feedback and also provide
Speaker:any questions that you might want us to answer on an upcoming episode.
Speaker:This has been talking
Speaker:softball with Coach B, and I want to thank you for listening.
